As we ramp up the stress of our pre-Holiday efforts, I figured a good laugh would keep us in cheerful spirits, so here's one my Canadian cousin recently sent me.
Enjoy
-Joel



It's Hell to be Old  
    
OLD people have problems that you haven't
even considered yet!  
    
An 85-year-old man was requested by his  
Doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical
exam.

The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take
this jar home and bring back a semen sample
tomorrow.'  

The next day the 85-year-old man reappeared
at the doctor's office and gave him the jar,
which was as clean and empty as on the  
previous day.  

The doctor asked what happened and the man
explained, 'Well, doc, it's like this -- first I tried
with my right hand, but nothing.  Then I tried
with my left hand, but still nothing.  

'Then I asked my wife for help.  She tried with
her right hand, then with her left, still nothing.  
She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in,
then with her teeth out, still nothing.  

'We even called up Arleen, the lady next door
and she tried too, first with both hands, then an
armpit, and she even tried squeezin' it between
her knees, but still nothing.'

The doctor was shocked! 'You asked your  
neighbor?'    
  
The old man replied, 'Yep, none of us could get
the jar open.'

Tiger Woods is going to change his name.


It will be either Lion or Cheeta

Joel, I would like to report the theft of your joke.  I would but I cant.  I am stealing it for future reference.  Hope you dont mind!

Personnel manager at the Tickle Me Elmo hired a new woman line worker and gave her instructions and sent her to the line to work.

After a couple hours the foreman came in and said the woman was not working out and had the line backed up.

The personnel manager went out and looked at the woman with a pile of Tickle Me Elmo dolls arround and doubled over with laughter.

The new worker had a bucket of marbles and some shiney material and was taking two marbles and sewing them between the legs of the Tickle Me Elmo in the sateen material.

He walked up to her and stated she has miss understood him. She was to give each Ticlkle Me Elmo Doll two test tickles.

Hey folks, its almost Patties day!  Surely there is a joke out there of a timely nature?

Sign me "Patty-O-Furniture"  In honor of the day!

Keith, you couldn't have stolen my joke.  It's still right where I left it.

Joel

We have Irish coffee musgs that that has sayings on them.  One is:

"An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can hold onto a blade of grass and not fall off the face of the earth"

Weeill now Joel.  Didnt I try me best, then its try again and again to be sure.  Saints preserve us but the wee blighter would not come off for the life of us all!  And its use my best whisky I did too, though I dont think that it helped me see any better despite it all.

Must be a wee leprachaun messin wit ya.

I've always found that single malt Scotch ( ) wipes out my words pretty darn good, Shoor-n-begorra.

Sorry Joel
I am a coffee drinker all the way.  Irish coffee, Spanish coffee, burbon Coffee.

Just a note to all
Happy Psalm Sunday and Happier Easter!
God Bless